19 October.

Good morning.*

I am back in my Cities with my family and my cat. My dad is recovering well, which gave me enough motivation to send me back home. He got out of the hospital yesterday and is settling into his BearCave downstairs. The real concern the last couple of days (and still somewhat is a concern) was his hemoglobin production. He hit a level the doctor was comfortable with, so good news. And now, they are monitoring him to make sure any bleeding (ulcers) doesn’t reoccur, so that is also good news. Considering where he was a week ago, this moment in time is a huge improvement.

Once I got home, I decided I needed to hit a meeting, since I was still feeling like I was white-knuckling sobriety quite a bit. I went to a new meeting (new to me) yesterday, and found myself really enjoying it. I told my hubs and parents that I happened to sit next to a very acerbic gentleman, which for whatever reason, I always just really dig. Acerbity. It’s a funny combination with someone so chipper and perky as myself, but yep. I just really dig acerbic people. Always have. … The meeting itself was a Big Book meeting, but it was run in a way I hadn’t come across before. After each paragraph, people were allowed to chime in about what the passage meant to them. There was a cap of 3 shares per stop, as well as a limit of 2 minutes per share. It made the reading take on more shape and energy because the group was discussing the messages Right Now, as opposed to checking-in around a circle after the reading was complete. (I do think the read-and-respond template of most AA meetings is a little ridiculous considering all of the awesome possible templates we could be stealing from engaging classrooms (Says the teacher.).) I liked the energy fueled around the discussion, and the way people tagged in. I also really appreciated the strict time limits. They were enforced, which was kind of cool to see. I could tell people cared about the meeting and about the work. I felt like I was in good hands. I told the hubs I would like to go back next week. So good stuff.

In other news, it’s my boyo’s first day of preschool today. I stayed home to take him in with the hubs and daughter, and it was just really sweet. He’s been hankering to get to school the past two months, but he’s been too young. He turns 3 tomorrow, so today’s the day! He picked out his R2 shirt and his sister wore her R2 shirt too, so I know that made hubs happy.

Sobriety-wise, I finished Sarah Hepola’s Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget. Check it out here. I was SO moved. Some of you may have seen earlier when I read Ann Dowsett Johnson’s Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol (here), and while I really connected with DJ’s story and research into the phenomena of women and their booze, I found MY story in Hepola’s. Hepola’s timeline is a more similar to my own, and her generational references are mine as well. Her honesty resonated with me, as did her fascination and devotion to drink. I found her avoidance of her alcoholism, as well as her staunch internal denial to recognize that anything was wrong really echoed my internal thoughts these past four years. I highly recommend both books to anyone who wants camaraderie along this sober journey. However, if you are at the tail end of the X-Gens like I am, then I recommend you pick-up Hepola’s book first. Her words truly illuminate many of the dark corners and places alcohol has led so many of us.

Alright, folks. Time to get my ass to work. We’ll see if the rest of me follows, but there it is. *smile*

Day 132, Happy Monday.*

p.s. Just noticed I’m feeling a little lighter today…. Like I’m not just holding onto a cliff with my fingernails in this minute. Maybe a sign that doing the work to stay sober is more than just not drinking? YaYa… 

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