The New Year is almost here, and without knowing it, I have been mentally preparing myself for another ‘feat’ to undertake along with my biggest accomplishment (in progress) so far – Sobriety.
I feel a bit of a buffoon because I know one of you amazing bloggers wrote about the phenomena of choosing One Word for the Year, rather than writing down a whole list of resolutions. And I was so very inspired by the thought of it, but didn’t put pressure on myself to figure it out. Instead I thought, ‘Well, if a word shows up by March, that should work okay.’ (Apathy alert! Monster….. (I’m shaking my head at myself.))
What I loved about the post (Perhaps 2ish weeks ago? Please post in the comments if it is You I am speaking to, you Brilliant Woman. (Again, Me=Buffoon)) was the way it transformed the entire year in new and unexpected ways for the writer. I loved the way the world was filtered through the word, and how the word actually changed the world around the writer. Truly incredible and inspirational.
Which brings me to today and the world spinning around me that gives me signs. (I’m almost always looking.) So, I was driving along in my little Toyota known as Reba, and I just happened to hear this beautiful song sung by Mary Lambert… Or, here. … I will attempt to embed the video here – (Fingers crossed!)
And only a moment before the Word for the Year question had showed up in my brain again out of nowhere, and I thought, ‘Compassion!’ That’s it. Done. And for about 20 seconds I was completely and whole-heartedly decided.
But. The Song.
And the ‘We’ll drink a cup of kindness‘ sang out just right, and then she sings about putting a kettle on, and I thought, ‘Yeah! It doesn’t have to be beer! Or whiskey! Or any alcoholic drink at all!’ And in a split-second decision, I decided my Word for the Year is Kindness. And it feels Right. And Good. And it feels like a celebration of what has been, while at the same time, it feels like it has the potential to build more change in my life and around me. And I have to tell you, I am already pretty excited about it. I am thinking about continuing to remember to be kind to myself (of course), but I am also looking at my relationships with those I love, along with those I don’t know well. How and where will this word affect my Life? Ooooohhhhhhh….. Anticipation! But trying not to plan or picture anything specific in my head. Curse of a director. I’m always thinking of outcome and what things will look like. Bof.
And on this day in my little bloggy world, I am struck by the sheer number of ‘hits’ happening through Jean’s Blog Roll, and I am wondering how many of you dear readers are looking for kindness right now. As people, it is always something we hope to find, but unfortunately do not always receive. And for me, personally, I don’t know that I was as kind to Myself as I could have been…. For years. And years.
I am lucky enough to be surrounded by kind people, the hubs for example, is the kindest person I have ever met. Seriously. Just Nice. And my parents, my sister, my bestest, my mother-in-law, my coworker, seriouslyseriously. My 4-year old daughter for goodness’ sake! Her depth of empathy and compassionate heart are stunning. Everyone around me amazingly kind. And I always make the joke that I’m not a nice person. Because really? I don’t feel like I am. Kindness feels awkward. And it feels like details. …. It feels like Work. (I’m a horrible person, aren’t I?)
But in the past year (six months to be exact), I have done the kindest thing for myself I could possibly do. I got sober. I let go of the drink, and took hold of myself, and I lifted myself UP. Truly. The experience has been incredible (to use that word again). And for those looking around and checking things out in these strongly-sober, and some shaky-sober, and some wondering-about-sober digital worlds, I just want to say to you, ‘Welcome. I am so sincerely glad you are here. We all are. I know it.’ And wherever you are in your journey, and whatever your ultimate choice is, know that sobriety holds many trials, but in it, there are infinite more rewards. 7 months ago, I would have called, ‘Bullshiiiiiit!!!’ But now, Back! … to the Future! (Christopher Lloyd anyone?), and I’m not so doubtful, or afraid, or defensive about what might happen in Sobriety. Instead? I jumped in head first, and just began. And what I have discovered in this gigantic-never-ending-leap has been (again) incredible. So, thank goodness for Kindness.
So, here I sit. And I’ve already been inspired by the wondrous anonymous blogger (thank you!), by Mary Lambert’s song, by My People who I love most, and then…. I was looking up ‘Cup of Kindness’ on the interwub and came across this beautiful story, as well as this cool initiative, and again, I am inspired. Yep. Kindness is the word.
Hi, again. Okay. You thought I was done, but I can’t stop this brain of mine. One more thing and then, I promise!, I’m done. Swearsies.
The song also talks about not forgetting people or times gone by in our lives. I think of people I have lost, as well as people I have found, events and actions and adventures. How beautiful to look at all of them with the soft veil of kindness. And for me right now, looking at my years of losing myself in the drink, I feel the guilt and shame and embarrassment still so close to the surface. If I approach those feelings with kindness and gentleness, perhaps the guilt and shame will lessen. There are a lot of years and memories there to work through. Hm. ‘Kindness’ might need to be my 2017 word, too. *smile* …. We shall see.
Day 204, We’ll drink a cup of kindness yet, my friends.*
To New & Wonderful Things to Come. Happy New Year! Love, HM.