I don’t know how, and I don’t know when. But at some point in the past few months, I have found sense of my humor about drinking again. I am no longer the self-righteous sober person, who feels morally superior. The higher ground I was standing on has deflated a bit so that I am back on the same ol’ earth as everyone else. *smile*
[Tangent: I do still notice how regularly people talk about drinking (almost daily?). And in semi-public meetings it is a pretty standard laugh-line. I chuckle, but I also feel a little like a sheep in wolf’s clothing, to shake-up (not stir) the analogy.
…. Hrm. Okay. I’m not judgey about drinking. Judgey-McJudgerson has definitely ebbed out of my consciousness. However, I am conscious of the frequency others make reference to drinking. Am I protesting too much, methinks? Maybe. …. I find it off-putting that I am still in hiding in my workplace, or that I feel I have to be hidden. I know I don’t. I know the choice to share my sobriety is mine alone. But whenever it strikes me to share it, it is usually/often/always after a drinking joke has been made, or reference to a night or afternoon of drinking has been made, and that would definitely be Not-the-Time-to-Share.
I don’t think it’s a bad situation, or that they are bad people – not by any means. I just think the timing is off. And so, I continue to laugh at the jokes, but don’t share my truth. Not yet. Some people know, but that’s okay, too. I don’t have to spout it from the mountaintops. Maybe my frustration is more with our overall culture anyway, and not the people themselves.]
On a related, but different note…. I went to my 20th high school reunion last month, and it was AWESOME. People were amazing and fun and kind and funny and supportive and happy to see and to be with one another. Well-attended. And just like high school, I had two or three groups I floated between pretty regularly. On the first night, a friend turned to me and said, ‘You want to go get drunk?’ (He said it laughing/joking/with a twinkle, p.s.) And I surprised him – and me – when I just said, ‘Actually, I’m Sober!’ He thought it was awesome. And I volunteered to be the group’s DD all weekend. It was fun. And they were sweet, too, because they (three big, burly men) kept me in Diet Cokes to my heart’s content Ha. It was cute. …. Also, no one really got shit-faced, which was cool. It was more about hanging out and being together. Really nice. It made me so happy to know these people and reconnect.
Day 841, Hardy-Har-Har.
p.s. Not sure this post held its through-line, but that’s okay. Sometimes a person’s just got to wander, right? Or, as the old cliche says: It’s about the journey, not the destination.