Good morning.* I’m here, and that is good.
I thought to write today because things have been happening in my life. From a personal standpoint, they have been positive and interesting to observe while still inside myself.
First, my long-term memories have been coming back to me in the neatest ways. I will say something, or encounter something, or someone else will say something, and suddenly Whoosh! My brain jumps back to when I was 12 or 19 or 6 or whenever…. And I am remembering so much More! I love it. And I love that it feels like sobriety is still working because another layer of my drinking days is being slowly peeled away…. Literally, uncovering things inside of me I didn’t even know had been covered up or quieted.
And I suppose it is right about the time when something should be kind of moving and changing inside of me as I am hitting a cycle of 3 – almost at 9 months now (Whee!). I read somewhere at the beginning of my sober days that ‘3’ is a number that shows up pretty regularly – for good and for bad. Difficult days tend to be around 3 days/3 weeks/3 months…. And that has proven mostly true for me, I think. But I like ‘3’ best when the good stuff shows up with the number, like now. *smile*
I needed this little present of forgotten memories, because it’s been a challenging couple of months to say the least. Not because of sobriety, that’s been going mostly okay. But because of the hectic, crazy-making madness that has encompassed our family for the past two months. I mentioned it in my last post, but with the hub’s and my shows going on at the same time, he and I haven’t actually talked with one another for more than 4 hours total in the past two months. That is not hyperbole. It makes me sad, because I miss him. I have seen the kids a bit more, but still the time is limited and strained because it’s usually right at bedtime. This past week, I finally had some downtime to spend with them, so we are slowly getting our ‘normal’ legs back under us. Yesterday, we went outside for a walk, and I checked my watch – 3:20. Then, what seemed like an hour had passed, I checked my watch again – 3:40. Wha-?! I didn’t know time could move so leisurely. So nice.
The other ‘thing’ that is happening is that I’m being pretty brave at work. The show I was so worried about – the one with a diverse cast and then, at the end of each performance, we would invite the audience to take part in a courageous conversation about race – closed last weekend. It went beautifully. The kids were amazing. Truly, some stunning performances from every actor. And the conversations were beautiful as well. But administration, well, things haven’t been as great as they could be. And, while I haven’t yet spoken with them, I believe I will be called in. And I feel terrified, but also ready to say what I know and feel. I’ve written down my notes and made specific points. I’m not going into great detail here, because I don’t feel like I can or should. At any rate, I am ready to speak truth to power, and that unnerves me, but also makes me feel …. not proud, but…. Whole.
So, yes. Here I am. I hope all of you are well and wonderful.* I woke-up and read Rachel’s latest post today which made me remember she likes cute-attacks, so I am including one Cute Attack for her and for any of you who may be fans of the cute…
Day 264, Oh, hello, Me. Fancy meeting You here…..
p.s. I finally have a little time to watch TV! Love. It. Finally had the chance to watch most of ‘Transparent.’ I am in love with it.
p.p.s. I have switched from coffee to tea (What?!?!?!). Well, I still like a cup of joe in the afternoon, but mornings, now I’m a tea-woman. And? I found this yummy thing called a London Fog, which is: 1/3 milk, 2/3 water, 1 tblsp. vanilla flavor, & English Breakfast tea. Yum!