Heya, Monster.

A SoberBlog by a TallWoman.

Archive for the month “February, 2016”

Remember Me?

the_unbearable_lightness_of_memory

Good morning.* I’m here, and that is good.

I thought to write today because things have been happening in my life. From a personal standpoint, they have been positive and interesting to observe while still inside myself.

First, my long-term memories have been coming back to me in the neatest ways. I will say something, or encounter something, or someone else will say something, and suddenly Whoosh! My brain jumps back to when I was 12 or 19 or 6 or whenever…. And I am remembering so much More! I love it. And I love that it feels like sobriety is still working because another layer of my drinking days is being slowly peeled away…. Literally, uncovering things inside of me I didn’t even know had been covered up or quieted.

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And I suppose it is right about the time when something should be kind of moving and changing inside of me as I am hitting a cycle of 3 – almost at 9 months now (Whee!). I read somewhere at the beginning of my sober days that ‘3’ is a number that shows up pretty regularly – for good and for bad. Difficult days tend to be around 3 days/3 weeks/3 months…. And that has proven mostly true for me, I think. But I like ‘3’ best when the good stuff shows up with the number, like now. *smile*

I needed this little present of forgotten memories, because it’s been a challenging couple of months to say the least. Not because of sobriety, that’s been going mostly okay. But because of the hectic, crazy-making madness that has encompassed our family for the past two months. I mentioned it in my last post, but with the hub’s and my shows going on at the same time, he and I haven’t actually talked with one another for more than 4 hours total in the past two months. That is not hyperbole. It makes me sad, because I miss him. I have seen the kids a bit more, but still the time is limited and strained because it’s usually right at bedtime. This past week, I finally had some downtime to spend with them, so we are slowly getting our ‘normal’ legs back under us. Yesterday, we went outside for a walk, and I checked my watch – 3:20. Then, what seemed like an hour had passed, I checked my watch again – 3:40. Wha-?! I didn’t know time could move so leisurely. So nice.

The other ‘thing’ that is happening is that I’m being pretty brave at work. The show I was so worried about – the one with a diverse cast and then, at the end of each performance, we would invite the audience to take part in a courageous conversation about race – closed last weekend. It went beautifully. The kids were amazing. Truly, some stunning performances from every actor. And the conversations were beautiful as well. But administration, well, things haven’t been as great as they could be. And, while I haven’t yet spoken with them, I believe I will be called in. And I feel terrified, but also ready to say what I know and feel. I’ve written down my notes and made specific points. I’m not going into great detail here, because I don’t feel like I can or should. At any rate, I am ready to speak truth to power, and that unnerves me, but also makes me feel …. not proud, but…. Whole.

So, yes. Here I am. I hope all of you are well and wonderful.* I woke-up and read Rachel’s latest post today  which made me remember she likes cute-attacks, so I am including one Cute Attack for her and for any of you who may be fans of the cute…

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Soooooo Cuuuute!

Day 264, Oh, hello, Me. Fancy meeting You here…..

p.s. I finally have a little time to watch TV! Love. It. Finally had the chance to watch most of ‘Transparent.’ I am in love with it.

p.p.s. I have switched from coffee to tea (What?!?!?!). Well, I still like a cup of joe in the afternoon, but mornings, now I’m a tea-woman. And? I found this yummy thing called a London Fog, which is: 1/3 milk, 2/3 water, 1 tblsp. vanilla flavor, & English Breakfast tea. Yum!

A Full Heart.

A very short post to tell you ….

  1. I am here.
  2. I am sober.
  3. New York was aMAZing (I saw Fun Home, The Color PurpleThe Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, and Spring Awakening. (Oh, and we were part of the Blizzard of the Decade, which shutdown Broadway!))
  4. When I got home, I got RealReal sick for several weeks, thus my no-shows here.
  5. The hubs went into production week for a show he is in, while at the same time I am in production mode now as my show opens on Tuesday.
  6. We still have children who need love and affection.
  7. The time to do anything ‘extra’ has been nil.

All is well and (uber) busy. The minutes I do have at home are sweet and good. The mornings I wake-up not hungover (read: ALL), I feel happy and pretty well-rested in spite of the flurry of activity day-in and day-out. I am not resenting my responsibilities, nor am I missing out with my babes at home in order to drink a fast bottle of wine to ‘treat myself’ for the crazy days. I feel whole and good in spite of the stress.

What a difference a year can make.

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Day 249, Not too shabby, Sobriety…. Not too shabby…. *smile*

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