Heya, Monster.

A SoberBlog by a TallWoman.

Reality Check

And I’ve got egg on my face to boot.

Update: I sent an email to admin (not a frazzled one like my post) asking for a meeting so that we could talk about my concerns with my schedule. I then itemized those concerns. They got back to me pretty quickly and clarified things. Turns out? The online program I rely on for my schedule was incorrect. Things got ironed out over email and we are moving forward. Good.

And? I’m embarrassed. Not in front of admin, but in front of all of you.

I feel, I react. I charge forward. I am the bull in the adage.

Anne was right – I’ve got lots of anxiety, and it’s all ready to boil up and over at the drop of a hat.

Wendy is right, too – I need to prioritize my health for mine and my family’s well-beings.

How do I walk in when I know the slate isn’t exactly clean? That’s the issue right now. I am the problem. My hackles are up and I’m ready for a fight – because I’ve been conditioned to fight at this point.

I’m working on the anxiety. First, I’ve been exercising more, which feels good. I start tomorrow with back to work and am going to work my exercises into my early mornings. That’s the plan as of this mo. Second, when I see my therapist tomorrow, I am going to propose to her that my anxiety is its own issue. There is still the possibility it’s an off-shoot of my new meds, but even so, anxiety is my middle name and I would love a life with far less of it. I’ll bring it up to her, and then I will call my shrink and see what she says. Meds are my concern now, because they could be exacerbating some of my heart issues, which stinks, because I think I do better on meds and have done better these past few years. It would stink if I had to cut them out. That, however, can be figured out as we go. Get back, Anxiety! Down, boy.

Okay, so that’s it. I just felt like I should come clean. I go back tomorrow and all of this pent-up anticipation/anxiety crapola should die down once I get back into it.

Day 1,163. It’s not you, it’s me.

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5 thoughts on “Reality Check

  1. Lol!
    I can’t count in the times I react first, then find out second!
    Love the photo!
    I am happy you got some clarity!
    Sending extra big hugs for your new school year!
    xo
    Wendy

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  2. Yep. That picture is a hoot! I was just losing sleep over this issue last night. I jumped to a “made up conclusion” in my head and now I’m having to live with the outcome. I hear ya sister!!

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  3. Hello friend!! Sounds like you got some shit straightened out. Anxiety sucks. I have noticed a reduction in my generalized pervasive anxiety through exercise (check!) and amino acids. Obviously check with your Dr., but there are many calming aminos that that have several health benefits (lower BP).
    Now then, I hope your new work year is off to a better start! How do you walk in? Like you own the place: head high, shit together, theme music playing (in your mind). 🙂 🙂

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  4. Hey, Lady. I will look into the amino acids. Thank you for the tip. What do you take specifically, may I ask?…. And p.s. Always theme music. Always. *flex* and *smile* -HM. p.p.s. Hope you’re wonderful!

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  5. Specifically GABA, DLPA, L-Glutanine and L-Theanine. What’s your theme song? Mine is Venus😀

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