Heya, Monster.

A SoberBlog by a TallWoman.

FKCK.

Or, in layman’s terms: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I have just edited my first draft/post because I am that worried about my current situation – and I’m ANONYMOUS.

Without giving any details… I truly thought Friday was the worst it could possibly be. There was solace that I had made it through that day, so then I can make it through most anything. But then today shows up and tricks me, because nope! There is a ‘Worse-Yet’ scenario to this shit-show. And I can’t even tell you what it is because I am so scared of upper management repercussions, I don’t feel comfortable writing about it in vague terms here.

I cannot believe this. I am writing because I want to connect with all of you and vent my frustrations, but I can’t even give them words for fear of repercussions. And did I mention? I’m ANONYMOUS.

Gah. I feel like…. I have no words.

Am I crazy? I feel like I’m going fucking crazy. I know I’m in theatre, but I really cannot stand real-life drama. Truly. I can’t. This is above and beyond anything I have experienced before. I am being Systematically. Shut. Down.

And?

It’s Day 300. Part of me is so angry that this happened today of all days. They have stolen my grieving process, they’ve stolen my voice, and they have stolen one small bit of joy I have been looking forward to for 299 days.

I am ready for the shit to stop being shitty.

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I would love to be saved right now.

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12 thoughts on “FKCK.

  1. mishedup on said:

    man..
    do you see what you did there?
    thru all the shit you stayed sober, acknowledge 300 days (which is so awesome by the way) and shared…
    so it was a little vague, you’ll be able to share more soon and hopefully.
    you have people you can share with in real life that have your back.

    those of us on here…we alcoholics, get to remind you that staying sober through all this crap is amazing! did you ever think you could do this? i know the things i have sat through and worked through i never imagined without booze, so i give you huge props…
    and i’m sure there is someone on here newly sober (please speak up if you are!) who is reading this with awe..

    so work sucks and is a huge disappointment. I am so sorry, seriously, that is awful. But you’re sober and that is so much more awesome, at least to me.

    GOOD for you
    CONGRATULATIONS on 300 day!!

    I can’t save you but I’m throng you a party in my head!!
    xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Robert Crisp on said:

    Wow. Sorry you’re going through a shit storm right now. You’re still sober, so that’s what counts. From one teacher to another, if you want to vent, drop me a line at rcrisp2112 at gmail dot com.

    Like

  3. The above advice says it all. Hold on to yourself.
    I’m here too. Ainsobriety@gmail.com

    Keep going. Yay for 300!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Me Four!
    Hugs!
    300 Days is wonderful!
    xo
    Wendy
    Untipsyteacher@gmail.com

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Time and the Bottle on said:

    It shall pass. Believe me. Eventually everything cones to the end. I know it is all cliche and all but it is also true. And don’t you drink on day 300!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Must be something in the air. A couple of weeks ago, in the state that I was in, the only possible way to keep things from tumbling even further down the (shit) hole, was to eradicate somethi.g I’d worked on, off & on, for 8 years. I didn’t even hesitate, because I was willing to make that sacrifice, if it would stop the shitstorm I got myself into. But, it didn’t.
    I’m not gonna go into any more, but to say MAN AM I GLAD I got through it. It still stings, to be sure, but experience has shown me that this, too, shall pass.
    Sounds like you got to 300 like a FRICKIN BOSS.

    Like

  7. I’m glad you got through it, too, Abbie. And amen to continually learning the rule that ‘this, too, shall pass.’ A-friggin’-men! Still in the middle of my ‘this,’ but I feel like I’m getting some perspective. And thanks for the kudos. BOOM. *smile*

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Yes, it will. And thank you.* Still going….

    Like

  9. Thank you, dear Wendy.* Still putting one foot in front of the other. Perspective is helping some these days. That, and Life is keeping me busy. It just seems to be a more of it lately than even what I’m used to. But still here and still strong. Love, -HM.

    Like

  10. I’m doing it, Anne. Thank you, wonderful woman! *heart* -HM.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Robert, you’re a gem. (I’ve think I’ve written that before, in fact.) I’m still here and doing okay-ish. Getting some distance, so that is helping. I will try to reach out later this week. Hoping I will have some time soonish. Thank you, my friend, for having my back.* -HM.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Robert Crisp on said:

    Anytime. : )

    Like

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