Sober & Stable.
Monster here. On a mini-vacation blgging from a location even Norther than my usual quite-North locale. The babes and I are visiting my parents for the week, whch is already lovely and good just to be here with them.
About a week ago, I had a check-in with my shrink anout my meds and life and all of that (In a 10-minute session no less! (How do those doctors get to the heart of things so quickly? Do I give her the most focused version of my story because I know our time is limited? Is she a mind-reader and can sense what is going on? Is she at one with the Force? Or worse, is she at one with the Darkside? …. At any rate, it feels like magic the way she can distill my lofe and my needs so quickly.)). And during the session, she said, ‘This is by far your most stable 4-month period.’
Her observation surprised me, because … Well, she was right! I have been stable. Stabler than I’ve ever been in terms of mood and anxiety and all that. (I don’t know that stable can be talked about in degrees like that – can it?) It felt so good hearing her say that. It made me realize she was right, and it made me appreciate how good Life has been these past couple of months – even with the Shit happening at work, and even with the time stresses of doing three shows in a row, and just Life…. So grateful to be enjoying it all for what it is.
The doc’s words also made me realize that my sobriety has helped me be more reliable and responsible. I’ve been on my meds for as long as I’ve been sober. (Woot.) And the effects of the mood stabilizer have been really positive. Considering my horrible experience the first time round with a psychiatrist and a cocktail of drugs (in 2001), this go-round has been eye-opening to what benefits a daily drug can have on me. I am absolutely, 100% certain that my sobriety has aided my drug regimen in every way. If I had one without the other, I would not be experiencing the regular gifts these two actions – together – give me.
I am so grateful for a calmer, more focused, and surprisingly (to me), more creative mind. One thing I’ve mentioned before, and that I experienced again on our long car ride up to my parents’, is the joy of music. I cannot stop listening to it, which is such a wonderful thing! The kids in the backseat actually called up to me yesterday and said, ‘Mama, turn down the music! It’s too loud!’ I felt like a teenager. *smile* I felt happy. I felt whole. Wonderful.
Day 287, Grateful to be Here.
p.s. Note to add this was written on my iPad. Lots of typos as a result. Was going to go in and fix them, but they’re funny. ‘Lofe’ – Ha!