A Merry Monstermas!
… A little belated Christmas cheer to you all. *smile* (I got a bit distracted by the memes yesterday and postponed putting this post up. (Oh, Monster…))
But here I am today, at the end of TWO family holiday gatherings, a major road trip, and the general hurlyburlyness of ‘Tis-ing the Season every which way, and I am here to tell you I am still sober. Wa-hoo!
And best of all? I had (mostly) a great time doing it all. Even more wa-hoo and a little woo-hoo for good measure. hee.
And do you know? Throughout the time with family, days leading up to Christmas, children anxious for Santa, the stress of traveling (in Minnesota-blizzard weather for much of it), presents, dinnertimes (especially these times), etc., etc. …. Yes, I craved a drink from time to time. Yes, I thought back to what I used to do at this point of the celebration (i.e. Drink!). Yes, my shoulders were tense and up by my ears a few times.
But? All in all?
I. HAD. SO. MUCH. FUN!!!
Seriously. This sober-stuff is the shit.
I laughed so much during so many moments. And I just let it ring out. I found so much joy in everything around me – even the fucking stress (Alright, so actually I found the humor in these moments, but still!). And throughout the seconds, minutes, hours, days, I just looked around me and was just happy to be where I was, with the people I love, and present. It was probably one of my favorite Christmases on record because 1. I remembered it all, and 2. Like I said, I was There for it! Instead of figuring out how to keep myself buzzed beginning at 9 in the morning, or worrying if we would have enough wine to last through dinner, and then through the evening family movie, I actually did shit. Or I didn’t and played mahjong, but seriously. It was so cool.
Here is a Christmas List of what I enjoyed doing over the holidays:
- Really had fun at a Perkins of all places with my family on the ride up north. Instead of hankering to get to my parents’ and tie one on, I laughed and played with my kids and the hubs. It was a great little beginning to the whole adventure.
- Saw people from my life – bestest friend and family; dearest friends; old friends. LOTS of friends. So beautiful.
- Took the babes swimming. … Wait for it. … In the evening! Say what?! Yep, you read that right. Gah! Awesome.
- Had a date with the hubs (Star Waaaars!)
- Ate a shit-tonne of anything I wanted (Oh, my gosh – Christmas has never tasted so good when Guilt is not even a glimmer in my eye… or stomach…. or brain…. or wherever guilt resides)
- Had so much fun meeting up with Santa and helping to arrange the gifts. *wink*
- Christmas morning, I actually volunteered to put together a dollhouse for my daughter. And do you know what? It is so cool! Plus, I had a really fun (2 hours) doing it. Seriously. No sarcasm there. I really liked it.
- The dinners were a bit triggery, but I was okay. I took a little anti-anxiety medicine, which helped a lot. And by the end of the meal(s), I was fine. As I said, I reeeeeally enjoyed the eating, and so just let myself indulge. Best. Decision. Ever! *smile*
- Christmas Day, after the meal, the girl and I sat down to color in our new Santa-gifted coloring books. And it was so fun and relaxing. I think I sat there for a good hour, maybe hour and a half. I didn’t get a lot done, but it was so nice. And I adored sitting next to her while she worked away. So sweet!
- And tons and tons more.
Actually, I noticed on the last evening while I was sitting up with my mom visiting, that we didn’t watch one evening movie as a family. A complete and utter anomaly. But I was wondering aloud if maybe we were too busy to think to watch a movie? Not busy-too-busy-we-don’t-have-time-to-think-busy, but just busy being. Relaxing. Doing our things. Enjoying whatever. It was a cool realization to have. A lot of times in the past, I would fall asleep during those family movies, or work my ass off trying to stay awake and involved. This trip? No problem whatsoever. Woot.
And today, the hubs and I enjoyed a similarly awesome Christmas celebration with his family. I, again, allowed myself whatever I wanted to eat. The dinner stress was less because I think the first family dinner with my side let me practice getting through it once already. Presents, visiting, all of it was just really nice tonight. And again, I kept catching myself noticing moments, or people, or really enjoying a joke and laughing for Real. And I left the party sober and content, and not embarrassed or worried someone noticed how many times I filled my glass, or any of that hooey.
Really, both Christmases were much less wine/alcohol-centered. I don’t know if I was such a pusher (entirely possible) that I just kept my family in their cups as best I could so that everyone would be a bit buzzy and not notice how much I was drinking. Or, perhaps my families are awesome and they cut back a bit based on my current status of: Sober. I know my mom and dad made some really cool choices and limited drinks either pre-dinner one-drink only, or perhaps at most, a second drink with dinner. Other than that, they put the booze away and poured other NA drinks. The whole time I was with them. Loved it. We were all so much more present …. Although, they may have been that way anyway because Normies. But? It was still really nice not to always be looking to open the next bottle and the next. Same with the hubs’ side. Individuals were drinking cans or bottles of beer, but nothing crazy. And no wine bottles were opened at all. A first, I think, for a family celebration. I don’t know if it was intentional, but man, was it cool.
I hope this finds all of you merry and bright.*
Day 201, Meowy Christmas!