Heya, Monster.

A SoberBlog by a TallWoman.

Wine, Wine, Everywhere the Wine.

Blocking out the scenery, breakin’ my mind.
Do this, don’t do that, can’t you reeeeead the Wine?!

(Thanks to the Five Man Electrical Band’s original ‘Signs.’)

Everyone is posting about It, because It is everywhere right now. The holidays (Champagne!). Parties (Liquor!). Family traditions (Wine with dinner!). Commercials about the loveliness of bonding over alcohol (Beer! And Liquor! And Wine! And Spirits!).

fireworkstoast

The other day, we had a staff/faculty holiday breakfast, and our administrator got up to thank us for our work, etc. Then, he shared a ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’-type story that had a ‘cute’ little moral that was: There’s always time for two beers with a friend.

And honestly? It didn’t really bug me. However, I noticed it. I am noticing it/alcohol/its prevalence more and more – especially these days, as I know so many of you are as well.

This past week, I’ve heard story after story about staying out or up too late with friends and drinking too much. And part of me misses that chance to be a little naughty, to break the rules, and to let loose as an adult. I miss the chance to say, ‘Oh, but I deserve this treat.’

But, really? I know the truth.

As soon as I let loose one night, then all the nights to come are open for drinking. And drink I would! So much so that Christmas would be a blur. I would miss this love-ily break with my kids because I would probably be nursing hangovers 9 out of 10 days, and my life would start to revolve around getting a glass a bottle several bottles in me, but obviously in a way that was justifiable and perhaps done in the company of friends so that I didn’t look like a drunk. That, or, I would hole up in my chair and drink my wine and ignore my family, while covertly refilling my glass as many times as I could get away with from the box of wine (because you can’t tell how full or empty a box is!). My speech would slur, and I would obviously say, ‘Oh, I am just so tired. It’s been a long week.’ And then crash into bed, only to wake-up around 1 or 2 or 3 am and spin with anxiety, self-loathing, and sincere confusion why I drank like that Again?!

Being sober is muchmuch better. Even if I don’t get the get-away-with-shit-Free-Pass that so many adults use (and I used to use Every Day).

This week hasn’t been as rainbows-and-lollipops as last week’s, but it’s still been a good week.

I’m still scared about my theatre production that addresses race and violence and all the different perspectives, but? The cast and crew is amazing. Probably the most diverse cast I’ve worked with in a long time. (Awesome.) I’m most nervous about being a white woman leading the brigade, but the kids are passionate and excited about the work, and I know we will figure it out together.

I have also been spending money a little crazily, but it has also been thoughtful and planned, so I can’t worry too much. Yes, the Christmas spirit is running through my veins – I love giving presents more than most things, I think. But, I keep buying things, and I need to just stop. Add to it the fact that I got my hair done yesterday at my fancy salon (Oh, my gosh is my hair gorgeous right now!), and bought a gift certificate for myself for next time because I got a $50 coupon…. It was smart, but it doubled my expense at a time when doubling expenses is maybe not the best of choices.

As for my sober-networking, I have been like a hungry monster following all of the blogs I follow, while also looking up tags like ‘Alcoholic’ and ‘Recovery’ and ‘Sobriety’ to read more and more. I haven’t been to an AA meeting in 3 or 4 weeks, which I know isn’t great, but I feel like I’ve been balancing okay by reaching out here. Am I making excuses? Maybe. I will keep monitoring and checking in with myself to see if I am avoiding the meetings. I don’t think I am, but there is always the very good chance that I am bullshitting myself and just don’t know it yet. I will keep you posted.

One more complainy thing… I haven’t been able to exercise for the past 2 weeks, because of my show, and because I was guesting in a classroom for 2 weeks during the time I would have run. The 15 miles I clocked a few weeks ago feel like a long-ago, distant memory. Boo-hoo. Plus, with the eating that has been going on, I’m feeling a little more self-conscious and frumpy. While at the same time, I keep reminding myself I’m sober!!! And that’s good. Trying not to shift my addictive focus onto food/sugar though. It’s not so easy…. Bom-bah.

I’ve also just been tired. It’s a lot coming off of a show, but then jumping into the next one straight away has just caught me off-guard. I’m feeling a little resentful, tired (like I said), and wanting some veg-out time, but not wanting to miss the kids or the hubs. Classic over-committedity.

This break will be good. It officially started yesterday, so I am going to reap the benefits of just having some Time. *lesigh*

Happy Sober Updates: 6-month-aversary completed on December 9th. Solstice Challenge on the horizon this Tuesday, December 22nd.

Drinks Since June 9th: 0 (More Happy!)

Day 194, Happy to be Here, but today it feels like Work. (And that’s okay.)

Eleanor_DoTheWork_300_250_c1

 

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

15 thoughts on “Wine, Wine, Everywhere the Wine.

  1. Hi HM,

    Always lovely to read your posts. And wow! 6 Months plus already. 🙂 Beautiful :-). And funny with the alcohol prescence isn’t it? How almost every story, human conversation, advertisment, tv thing is advertising drinking. I find it strange, like nobody has a clue what it is all about and what life is all about. Exchange any alcohol related word either with bananas or cocaine and we get a whole different story. So strange that this whole world does not see.

    I wish you and your family a very, very nice holiday! 🙂

    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 2 people

  2. As soon as re-acquired my Sober&Smug status I started turning up my nose at drinkers. Look at them! Drinking like that! The fools…. hahahaha! And you know some of them may feel foolish, as we once did. I met a friend after work a week ago and she managed TWO cocktails in the time period it took me to drink ONE ginger beer. It was like an hour! Then she drove home in the rain (gads!). I’m sure she was fine (they were fancy $10 cocktails, mostly ice) but I wonder…did she pick up a bottle of wine on the way home and continue that night? I surely would have. But you “did the math”, right? Here’s what’s gonna happen after that “one” glass. I hope you get some rest on your break while simultaneously taking care of everyone and getting everything done (like we do!).

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Robert Crisp on said:

    Great to read an update from you. Happy six months to you! Enjoy your break.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Happy 6 months!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The work is paying off, happy 6mth birthday ❤ enjoy your break and make sure you take some time out for yourself too ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Time and the Bottle on said:

    Yes, alcohol is everywhere. And everyone seems to be drinking. Normally drinking. Not like some of us who do not stop at one drink. I am not there yet where like Betty I can turn into sober and smug and turn up my nose. Maybe one day… when I overcome all my struggles, I’d manage.
    Congratulations on 6 months! Amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s great to be right where you are. Some days I’m smug, and some days I am soso resentful. It just depends. …. Sober&Smug should be a t-shirt! *smile* … And thank you.*

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you, WSB! You’re wonderful.*

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thank you, dear Wendy!*

    Like

  10. Ha. Thank you, Robert! Happy break to you, too.*

    Like

  11. Thank you, Betty.* Yes, I have started to be more aware of others’ compulsion to drink. It fascinates me what kind of drinkers people are – mainly because, like all good humans everywhere, I can only think of things in relation to myself and my experiences. And really? Most people are Normies. But when I do discover a friend tipping back glasses a little faster or more determined than others, I do get a little red flag for them. Worried that yes, they may be drinking to Drink, like you said – as we used to do. It is an interesting turn of events to sit on this side of things and check-out the view from here. …. And thank you re. break. It’s only been a day and a half and I already feel much better. *smile*

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I love the banana idea. Yes! Hilarious – and what a great idea for a comedy sketch. …. I wish You a very merry holiday as well, friend.* -HM.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ah you really sound great. I’ve been where you are with back to back shows and itjustdoesn’tstop and damn right you are tired. Try to rest and just turn every pressure in your head OFF. Sounds like you are doing exactly what’s needed. I’m trying to do the same…work is creeping in here and there but I’ve got my broom at the ready and it’s going right back out again. ❤

    I hope you have a wonderful peaceful break with your family. 🙂

    Like

  14. Time and the Bottle on said:

    Love the idea of a t-shirt. 🙂

    Like

  15. Hi HM, I thought about you on the Solstice! So glad you’re doing well and I completely relate: Now I really notice other people’s drinking, how much it is mentioned on TV, in media, in conversation, as a common touchstone for just about anything anyone wants to do — Let’s drink! I even had a bartender Sunday night say “You don’t want a fun drink?” when I ordered my second mocktail. I told him I could have a fun drink even though it didn’t have alcohol in it.

    Anyway, 6 months ROCKS. Super congrats and have a great holiday break!

    xo Rachel.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: