Seeing Red.
Psyche!
I’m not angry. I’m not hostile. I’m not even a little bit perturbed. A total one-hundred percent fake-out.
Here’s what I really mean…
Red & Violet? Why yes, please!
Yesterday was Friday, and for the first time in a long while, it really felt like a Friday. *lesigh* I got my hair all done-up fancy at the salon after work, and then helped run the box office with a few friends for a show in Uptown. It was just a good ol’, nice day. Again, *lesigh*
*smile*
And now, today? The hubs and I get to be with the babes all day (hoo-rah!), and I am thinking with the grey skies, it might be the perfect day to venture out to the movie theatre for a little Halloween fun in Hotel Transylvania 2.
Then, after that, we will head to a free Italian dinner hosted by the new AA group I hit last Sunday. The idea is totally freaking me out inside, but I am trying to remain cool, calm, and collected and just go to the damn thing and see how it goes. Put aside expectations, and just see what it’s about. Eep! In spite of my best efforts to appear unfazed, I am anxious. But? I know it will be a safe space. Yes, all people the hubs and I don’t know. But? Hopefully good food, and if not? At least it’ll be free! Plus, every time this AA group meets, they provide free childcare, so I’m hoping the babes will have a little out-of-the-ordinary fun with some new kids. I’ll keep you posted how it goes.
Lastly, that frustration and anger and general hostility I was feeling for the last several weeks has lifted quite considerably. I am not resenting my sobriety any longer, which is a huge relief. Several times in the past few days, I’ve found myself driving past a liquor store, or noticing people drinking in a movie, or reading about it in a book, and I have actually asked myself, “Is this pissing me off right now?” And each time, my answer has been, “Uh… Nope! It doesn’t. La-di-dah!” … Seriously. Nigh and Day-different from just five days ago. *lesigh*
Day 137, Feeling good. (And lookin’ good!)
Heya, Monster. 
I love your hair! Shiny and awesome!
Enjoy yourself. Just go and see. You can always leave. Telling myself that sometimes helps tone form the worry!
Have a great day!
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Heya, Monster,
Glad you are not resenting sobriety anymore :-), that makes it so much easier.
Not sure if it helps but I was thinking: I would assume that you won’t be the only one who is a little or a little more anxious at the dinner. Hope you enjoy!
Envious of your hair btw, mine is a little curly so it never gets so beautifully shiny and is always frizzy.
xx, Feeling
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Pretty hair! I was red for many years and enjoyed it thoroughly. I love that spouse is joining you for the AA socializing, supportive spouses make me very happy:)
RE: resenting sobriety. You are probably starting to see that the voice that tells you “I’m pissed!! Not fair!” isn’t really your voice, but the sneaky little asshole addiction talking. Hope your dinner is fun!
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Your hair looks fantastic! no better way to lift the spirit than a trip to the salon for a new do! I went through the woe is me, it’s not fair stage too until it passed and I realised I’m not missing anything at all – far from it, I’m gaining so much more. Glad you’ve paddled through the rapids to calmer waters. Enjoy the dinner, am sure you’ll meet some great people.
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Excellent update! I’m dyeing my hair black for Halloween (going as Edgar Allen Poe). I want to dye it for real, but my wife’s not keen on that. : )
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I don’t know if I replied to this before, but I think it should be mandatory that all English professors dress up as Gothic writers for Halloween! (Or is he Romantic?)
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Poe’s technically a Romantic, but much of his work is considered Gothic…much like myself. *ba dum, tiss* My wife’s going as Emily Dickinson, my little one as Darth Vader, and my oldest will be a hot dog. A motley crew, to be sure. : )
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Haha! I love the variety. A smorgasbord, if you will.
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