Yesterday, I had a chance to sit with a friend and share with her more about my sobriety. I told her how much better I have been feeling, that my mood is completely changed over from the past several years, that I wake-up hangover-free, that my nights are longer and enjoyable, that I have more energy, and that I’m not overwhelmed any longer and trying to keep up every step of the way.
In short, I am happy! *smile*
I look back at last year, and I can tell my anxiety has lessened incredibly. I can’t say that I am anxiety-free – I have horrible stage fright (crazytalk for an actor/director) and that rears its head at the beginning of every school year like clockwork – but compared to last year, I am already more grounded and solid in my thinking and overall being. I feel different. I feel more solid. I feel more whole. And yes, I am taking a mood stabilizer, but I really, truly believe it is my drinking, or lack thereof, that is changing my life significantly. Instead of trying to accomplish every little thing and prove I am worth the space I take up in this world, I am already sure that I am enough as I am. No proving, no running, no spinning required. Fuck all that. This way – this Sober way – feels so much better. I feel like I can breathe again. What a beautiful relief.
….. …. … .. .
Note: I will admit that I am a bit anxious about the school year. We are having a major shift in leadership, so that always throws everyone for a loop. I am nervous about it as well, as I worry about the more formal environment being set-up and required. I worry that we as teachers will lose our personal identity, or be forced to, and that the machine of the institution will become more important than the unique qualities of the individuals. We shall see…
Because of the school year kicking off, I have been completely away this week, and I have to tell you – I miss you! My to-read blog list is longer than it was on vacation. I keep trying to catch-up, but only get to two or three a day. I am hoping my weekend will solve this problem. I don’t want to break away from this great community and all of your inspiration, so I am holding on with my fingertips at the moment.
Day 73, wait for me!