Heya, Monster.

A SoberBlog by a TallWoman.

Life Stuff.

Sitting here waiting for my sweet boyo to finish his lunch and to finish his episode of Dora. So dang cute the way he shouts back to the program. I love that he feels engaged and I love the way he engages so freely.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be 2 years old again?

That freedom. That whole range of emotion without filter (okay, maybe I can still relate to that one…). I love his sincerity – even when he is sincerely pushing every single one of my buttons simultaneously. I love his whole-heartedness. I even love his bull-headedness and the way he screams to show me when that is his current state of mind. I love his sweetness and the way he cuddles his kitties/babies. I love the way he changes his voice to play so many different roles – sometimes high and flutey, other times low, gruff, and monstery (he is my son after all *smile*). I love the way he sings in pitch and remembers words from songs I don’t even know. I love his wiggle dances, and his completely unabashed bravery as he goes for Every Thing. I love the way he hugs me tight and says, ‘I love you.’ I love his sigh when he is happy. I love that he is completely his own … I am merely the lucky satellite who gets to orbit his world.

Now, because this is a blog, and because it is my blog, and because I am a person and people tend to be self-involved, I am going to make this about me…. Even though I could sit and think about my boyo’s sweet everythings all day…

This past month and a little, I am slowly finding my own brave moments. I am finding ways to be honest even when I am not quite sure it is entirely safe. I am learning to use my voice and say or do what I feel like doing. … I am much less people-pleasey than I had been when I was drinking. I am feeling more confident and happy, even if the angry and grouchy bits are showing more regularly.

I am enjoying this journey. … And especially because it’s summer, I think it is making the whole transition that much more enjoyable. Even though Time used to automatically encourage me to reach for a glass of wine or a beer, I am now finding that it is just nice to have Time and to enjoy it for what it is. *lesigh* Content. … I am feeling that more than I ever have in my life, I think.

A few dorky-life things?

I am trying to actually use the groceries in my fridge and cupboards, so that has been a fun challenge. And it feels so rewarding to open up the fridge and see such beautiful, colorful food! Yum! Connected to this, I am trying to curb my coffee-spending …. slightly. So I’ve started this (again) dorky thing. I take my extra coffee from the morning and pour it into ice cube trays. Then, in the afternoons or early evenings before my rehearsals, I fill up my to-go cup with tons of coffee-cubes, and then pour some of that new ready-made latte yumminess from Starbucks or Caribou over it all. It took almost a week to use my first bottle, and I think I made at least seven drinks out of it. Awesome! And yum!

Another thing, slightly connected with bipolarismness, I am buying a few too many fun things lately – especially clothes. Part of it, I’m sure is hypo-mania connected to summer and sun and enough vitamin D. Another part of it is connected to actually having some self-confidence about my body and how I am feeling inside, compared to how I used to feel when I was drinking every night. I just feel like I am glowing … not to the extent of a supernova, but in the range of supernova-glowyness. And that  feeling is making me want to strut. And shine. And exude. All good things, I think. So, yes. A little spending, but still okay. (Although, I do need to stop Now so that I don’t blow my monthly budget.) … And? Last fun thing connected to that? I bought my first bikini in 8 years! Talk about confidence. Well, I haven’t actually tried it on, but we shall see. I ordered it online last night, and when I showed it to the hubs he just got this jolt of energy and said and emphatic, ‘Yes!’ … Because he’s been trying to make me realize that even though I’m in my thirties, I don’t have to be a completely fuddy-dud. (By using the word ‘fuddy-dud,’ I think I automatically become one, though, don’t you?)

Anyway, I’m excited. … In theory. … I’ll keep you posted when Reality knocks on my door. *smile*

Alright. Off to naps with that sweet, wonderful boy I described above. Gah. He is amazing.

Day 42, I’m in love.


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6 thoughts on “Life Stuff.

  1. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nice. No fuddy duddies here.
    I’m 43 and I still wear a bikini. I have 2 kids. Who is anyone to judge my body?

    But I know what you mean. That brightness makes you want to feel good on the outside.

    Maybe keep an eye on the spending. I think some is ok (I use retail therapy sometimes), but it can be its own problem.

    Yay for day 42!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Shameless 45-year-old bikini-wearer here! As long as the top half is properly wired and padded no one will ever look below it:) Wear it proudly!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Will do! Hee. Thanks!


  5. Ha. Rock on bikini-clad-women everywhere!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Robert Crisp on said:

    For the sake of the masses, I shall not don a bikini. That said, i hope you have a good day. Naps continue to rule.

    Liked by 1 person

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