The Good, The Gad, & The Goody.
Even though it’s a hectic week, and I feel a bit of distance from my babes because of all my time away, things are getting done. Things are happening. Things are progressing and improving and growing. What a wonderful thing it is to cultivate and create Art (sometimes capital ‘A,’ sometimes not *smile*) with other people. I love my job-that-rarely-feels-like-a-job. And I love being sober. (I can’t really believe I just wrote that, but it’s true.) I love it. I love having my faculties with me nearly all of the seconds of the day. I love being in control of myself. I love sorting through the mess that is a theatre production in my brain and prioritizing. I love getting things done. I love being in every minute as completely, one-hundred percent, totally Me. I love seeing this giant mountain in front of me and knowing that goddammit! I am climbing this fucker. And I am doing it Right Now. And without ‘help’ to dull me, or my emotions, or those many moments of getting shit done, or ‘celebrating’ getting said shit done. I also love that I am hangover free and that I don’t have to prove how awesome I am by accomplishing everything in spite of a pounding headache, crap-tasting breath, or the sluggish pull of my body when what it wants to do is lay down on the floor. …. Yeah, this is so much better without the bottle(s) of wine. So Much.
A bit TMI, but… Or rather, butt….. Yesterday, I found the most amazing green grapes ever in existence. I ate at least half a pound. Yum! In the moment it was yum, anyway. … Fast-forward twelve hours, and the story does not continue well. My insides have been knotted up since I woke-up. Thankfully, things are a bit better now, but(t)? When I was drinking, this kind of thing happened Every. Fucking. Day! Can you believe that? I can’t believe that. How ridiculous. Why would I ever choose to put up with this sort of feeling, knowing I could change it? Man, what a slothy-let-life-slide-by-me-I-don’t-deserve-any-better-than-this-kind-of-a-chick was I? Hopeless. And yuck. And gross. Physically and mentally.
& The Goody
(I wrote the following to my pen pal this am and wanted to share with You, too.) … Last night when I came home from rehearsal, I went up to my daughter’s room and saw that she was all tucked in and her eyes were closed, so I leaned in and kissed her head. She stretched and opened her eyes and let out the sweetest happy sound. Then, I got to hug and kiss her a few more times, before tucking her back in and sending her to Dreamland. Next, I went to my boyo’s room and similarly, he was laying there very still, and I crawled up next to him, and he just smiles this big, sleepy smile, and opens his arms for me. I laid there with his arms around my neck for at least a minute just loving the cuddles. Nights like that are my favorite. So lucky…
Day 38, I am liking the view from here. Very, very much.*