The Results Are In.
I am the luckiest woman alive.
I am loved beyond measure.
I am supported.
I am cherished.
I am not alone in my RealWorld to fight/struggle/journey/quest/epic-adventure for sobriety.
… … … … … … … … … … …
Words From My Loved Ones…
‘Oh, M, I am SO proud of you!’ (Very first words my mother spoke.)
‘You are a courageous person. … You get things done. You see something and you go for it. You get the job done.’ (My father.)
‘Wow! …Wow! … You sound Great! You sound ready! …Wow! I just… Wow!’ (My sister on hearing the news, laughing and surprised and admiring.)
‘Is this (i.e. drinking) a problem?’ I say, ‘Yes, I think it is.’ ‘Well, good.’ (Says my very undemonstrative father-in-law …with a smile!)
‘That’s what I love about you, M. You are so passionate. You are completely all or nothing. And you sound so ready for this. I’m happy for you. You sound Good.’ (My best friend with love ringing through every one of her words.)
‘I was wondering, but I didn’t want to say anything. … We were worried about you this past winter.’ (My mother-in-law confides. (I’m so glad they were and that they noticed. I thought no one had.))
… … … … … … … … … … …
And those words are only the tip of the iceberg. Each conversation, Every One, was beautiful and kind and generous and loving. I was an emotional wreck yesterday, not because of the anxiety (that only existed anticipating the calls), but because of the outpouring of Love and the way everyone reached back. So humbled and in awe of my loving people.
And now? I don’t have to hide.
And I have people to call – both my best friend and sister said to call anytime if I find myself in a situation and I feel anxious or upset or tempted or whatever the emotion may be. … I cried when they each said that. My Sister is in Australia and my Best is a crazy-busy-woman with a full time job, a hubs, and a boyo all her own. To know they will pick-up Any Time, if ever I need them to is amazing.
… And my parents were so beautiful. My mom was just – you could hear her smile through the phone line. She said she thought this was a long time coming, and was wondering if I would take this step as we have talked so much off and on about alcohol in the past four years. My dad was surprised, which made me laugh and say, ‘Well, alcoholics are good at hiding it.’ And that made him laugh. He said he had noticed I could hold my wine… And I laughed s’more.
Each conversation was so delicate. Not in a scary, don’t-touch-or-the-glass-will-break-kind of way, but in a newborn-baby-type of way. They were each gentle and kind and so… natural. There were awkward moments and pauses – especially at the beginnings. But really? I feel like I have been given these special snapshots, these dear and once-in-a-lifetime-moments of each of My People that I will get to remember and carry with me for the rest of my life. What Gifts. What Beauty. What Love.*
Day 32, truly Wonder-full.