Heya, Monster.

A SoberBlog by a TallWoman.

Sneaky Blahs.

After I had my nice, relaxing, at-one-with-the-world-around-me morning post, a big ol’ cloud suddenly descended upon me, and I can’t seem to get clear of it.

And for once, instead of fighting it and ignoring it and doing a thousand times more than usual, I am still in my pajama pants at 3:52 pm. Fucking. Awesome. (For real. This is not sarcasm, as I don’t know that this has happened in yeeeeears. The only thing I am not loving is the blah-ness in the way I am feeling.)

The babes and I have had a chill-out kind of a day. They slept-in, while I jogged and caught up on the blogs. Then, made pancake-cookies (i.e. hand-sized pancakes), and we just hung-out downstairs and watched a movie. When the pancakes were done, I made popcorn, so we had popcorn for breakfast. Again. FA.

Then, some more hang-out time with a tubby for the babes. A late lunch. A lie-dee-down, but no napping. Now, back up, eating real cookies (the babes are, while I completely admit to stealing 3 4), and here just sitting in my fog.

Does anyone know of a day-to-day, or week-by-week breakdown of PAWS/the Pink Cloud and all that? I have read several places that it coincides with the moon, which is also probably why I am getting hit double what with all the headache of my cycle this past week (Reality). I am also wondering if the meds I’m taking are throwing my cycle off and making everything more complicated by delaying my cycle, and thus causing further physical frustrations. Does anyone have experience with being sober while on a mood stabilizer (quetiapine/seroquel)?

Day 21.5, you sneaky devil.

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11 thoughts on “Sneaky Blahs.

  1. I take cipralex. I think many people take antidepressants in sobriety.
    Paws is completely irrational. The pink cloud comes and it seems that then big downs follow. It’s very tiring and odd. But it does diminish.
    I did a lot of reading about Buddhism. Hoping it might be a way to have no feelings. But, it apparently doesn’t work that way. Lol
    Keep noticing and embracing the good moments. And let the bad come too. Emotions are like clouds. They come and go.

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  2. You might want to check out if the sugar in your diet is having influence on the fog and ups and downs. E.g. dr Mathews Larson who runs a detox clinic in the USA says PAWS are nothing but people with hypglycemia experiencing hypoglycemia. She’s got a book on it. Seven weeks to sobriety. It gives info on how the body works under the influence of alcohol and how to repair it naturally with the help of (a lot of) nutrients. I found it very useful. She has a similar book on depression.
    Feelings come and go which is as it is. But I think it is important not to forget that it were the feelings we wanted to shut out by drinking. And therefor it is 1 logical that they come up (like crazy) when we get sober. And 2, can indicate what is wrong with our life / lifestyle at a mental, spiritual and physical level. I’m guessing that is their natural function. I would not advocate to ignore that /them. Dealing with them does look like a good, sustainable idea, but that never seems to go through ignoring them. Not getting lost is adviceable but I haven’t got that obviously.
    And exactly yesterday I decided not to write things like these anymore. Don’t know how to deal yet.
    Congrats on your day 21,5!!!! 🙂 I am happy for you!
    xx, Feeling

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  3. Thank you, a. Some great thoughts.*

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  4. Thank you for the book recommendation, Feeling. Dr. Larson is actually from my part of the world (I just looked up the book) – how cool. I will definitely look it over.

    As for the feelings as indicators… Someone posted about that in my first week of recovery. I want to say it was Prim? … But, yes. Very good advice to simply ‘notice,’ and to consider them as signs to something else. Thank you for the reminder. There are so many components to this whole recovery-thing! *smile*

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  5. 🙂 Yes! There are! I found that very amazing when I got here. And the language; ‘strengthen the sober muscle’.
    The thing with emotions is: those are the things that, in case of relapse, will have driven us there. They are the things that drove us to drink in the first place. So not minding them is not a good concept. Following them regardless…. hmmm…. requires insight and wisdom. And no periods! 😉 Gosh, have I blown that.
    xx, Feeling

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  6. I think I will work on awareness first, and then hopefully the insight and wisdom will follow. *smile* Hope you are well today after several rough and challenging days.*

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  7. Yeah, awareness first. That’s a big thing. Working on it. I’m ok now. I seem to need to go deep in order to learn stuff. 🙂

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  8. Ha. I think that’s called ‘being human.’ Hang in there!

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  9. Ooh shit. Have I got that?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. No rhyme or reason to PAWS but it’s presence in both intensity and longevity does ease up as time goes by. PMS definitely makes it seem worse!! Plus 3 weeks in so emotions are starting to thaw and that can make things a little more volatile than usual 🙂 xx

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  11. Thank you, Lucy. The word ‘volatile’ definitely describes me in this moment in time!

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