Heya, Monster.

A SoberBlog by a TallWoman.

Creaky Cranky.

That is my state today.

I cannot seem to find a solid place to put my feet. I am growly and irritable, sad, then sweet and loving, and laughing the next. I am a nutcase. One-hundred percent.

My run was off. My breathing was horrible. The air was humid and it felt like I was swimming my way down the street under a hot sun. Yuck.

I was cranky with my sweet babes. Snippy with the hubs. And overall just ‘meh’ inside my head.

I’m missing the drink. I love the word moderation and hate it more. I am mourning summer nights in the backyard with friends and beer, and evenings on the driveway with friends and wine. The brilliant part of me knows those moments can still happen without the booze, but I am sad about the drinky today. And I am mad at myself that I’m sad.

Moments have been good, too. Spent much of the day with only our boyo today, as his sister went to her first professional baseball game with her gram. It was sweet to spend time just with him. He lit up like a Christmas tree and talked our ears off the whole time. (His older sister usually does most of the talking.) … During naps the hubs and I actually broached the conversation of sobriety. … Finally. After almost 2 weeks. It was nice to start the process, but I know we have more emotional places to dig into, and thoughts to share. Que sera. (Is that how you spell that?)

And I am gobbling up sober blogs for the life of me in part, to keep my grumpy-ass self from getting off this train. I am reading everyone’s words and writing comments like a woman possessed, because I am feeling rather isolated in my RealWorld-life. Had thought I might try an AA meeting this am, but it wasn’t in the cards schedule-wise. May try a meeting some time this week, since I am having some steering troubles on this little Radio Flyer I’m on. (Sorry to mix the metaphors, fellow English majors, out there.)

Good things? I’m sober. I’m writing. And now? I’m going to make dinner…. Curry. Yumbo!

Day 13, fuck you. I’m going to make it.

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

6 thoughts on “Creaky Cranky.

  1. You are going to make it.
    Because it is so worth it.
    Yes, some things seem sad. That’s ok. Change is sometimes sad.
    But you can sit out in the backyard and visit on the driveway with your alternate drink and know you aren’t missing out on anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you.*

    Like

  3. Holy moly, this all sounds very familiar. I think there’s a kind of grief process to go through. Brutal and beautiful in equal measures, early days in particular can feel quite an assault. You’re doing just splendidly, creaky cranky curry monster 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Early on, it helped me to remember that having a drink would not do one single solitary thing to change whatever was making me feel crabby and restless and lonely in the first place. (Hmm–okay, that doesn’t *sound* very helpful…but it was, I swear!)

    You will make it and you will be so, so glad you did.

    Kristi

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That is a great suggestion. Thank you, Kristi. I will put that thought/reminder in my loop.

    Like

  6. This made me laugh, Bea. Thank you! I am feeling much better this morning. I will remember that the grumps are temporary, and yes, definitely give way to beauty. *lesigh*

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: