We discover our heroine 1 week later…
Living a happier life.
In 7 little days (which sometimes seemed enormous, or ‘hugh-mun-duss’ as my boyo would say).
Things accomplished (Sidenote: Although I made a list for my ‘About Me’ page, I am actually not a list-person. And although I am going to proceed here with another list, I just want to be clear, that I am not a list-person. In fact, I find them constricting…. Unless I have a deadline. Then they’re good things. End Sidenote.):
1. Finished Couch-to-5K Weeks 1 & 2. Exercised 7 of 8 days.
2. Was a patient mother. Yes, of course I got mad, but even then, the time was shorter. And I love to hear my own voice when I am kind to my children. (I sound so narcissistic.) So often in a hangover-haze I would be exasperated with them, and then doubly with myself for being exasperated, which would only multiply the exasperation and the duration of said exasperated incident. Gah. So tiring!
3. I still put off housework, but what I have done is not done in a hurried way so that I can hurry up and reward myself with a bottle of beer, or a glass of wine. I am doing it to do it. It feels kind of a cool. A reward in and of itself.
4. Took my babes to the zoo yesterday and had the best time. Again, I wasn’t trying to prove that I was ‘okay’ from the night before, so I could really enjoy it and them. They were wonderful and hilarious, and it felt like the world was working with me because I saw things I’ve never seen before – a gorilla 3 feet away from us picking dandelions for breakfast, a white wolf actually out and about(!), the snow leopard pacing, a polar bear rolling in the grass, and the tiger playing with his ball. Gah. So cool!
5. Admittedly, I am on summer break (I’m a teacher), so my procrastination is set in high gear. And even though I am absolutely the most dedicated, efficient, and highly skilled procrastinator you will ever meet, even then, the work I have left (until the last minute) is done with much less stress and strain. There isn’t an added layer of, again, proving myself. (That keeps showing up, doesn’t it?)
6. I have woken up 8 days in a row without a hangover. And early, too! For those goddamned early jogs …I’m acting. I actually love waking up early. I’m one of those assholes. *smile*
7. I am going to phrase this negatively, but it is a H.U.G.E. positive. I didn’t plan any of the last 7 days around getting home so that I could finally have a drink. Not once. I wanted to, I missed it, I struggled with the idea, but I did not plan it because it was not an option. No furtive liquor store stops, no Trader Joe’s quick-trip accompanied by a coincidental TJ-beer-wine-buying-fest, no resenting my children for wanting to play another ten minutes before I could get inside and pour a glass of wine, no being mad that I had late rehearsal and would only be able to have 1 or 2 glasses instead of the usual 4 or 5, no secret pouring to keep my glass perfectly in the middle but really drinking hand over fist throughout a night, no surly defensive anger at the hubs trying to keep him from realizing how much I actually had had in a night, no slight-of-hand maneuvers keeping a half-bottle on the counter while drinking a beer or from another bottle at the back of the fridge… … … … God. Fuck. FuckFuckFuck. This is a fucked up, messed up, completely-revolving-around-alcohol description of what my life was like only one week ago. One. 1. It dawns on me, Now, how out of control I was. Taken in pieces and from one day to the next, it didn’t feel like a problem. Drinking was just a treat or my reward after living my WonderWoman-lifestyle. Look at me – I’m amazing! (She thinks as she does everything to the nth degree to prove (mostly to herself) she is not an alcoholic.) I deserve it. It’s the most incredible, unbelievable, fucked-up perpetual motion machine anyone has ever witnessed! Tuh-dah! You, too, can experience the wonders of this little device if you just sign your life away.
I deserve Better. Much, much better than any of this #7-shit written above. My job (which I adore) deserves better. My hubs (who I adore) and my babes (who, you guessed it, I also adore) deserve better.
Okay. Anger over. I’ve taken a breath and relaxed my shoulders (which is another positive over this past week, because it seems to actually help to do that now!), and I am glowing by the composite outcome of the list above (even though I don’t like lists). In only 7 days, my life has changed dramatically for the better.
Day 8 might see this heroine leaping tall buildings in a single bound…