Meet My Monsters.
Good morning, everyone. Please, feel free to take a seat, or stand, or tread water, or whatever it is you do.
Sidenote: A good way to start the day? Jogging in a light rain. Never done that before. Gotta say it might be my new favorite way to exercise. I couldn’t even tell I was sweating! So nice.
So, onto my monsters. I’ve decided that it is best to address all problems head-on and at-once, rather than delicately taking care of them in pieces over a long period of time so that I might stay better balanced, happier, and productive in the long run. Because who wants to take care of themselves? Not me. Never. No way. Not one bit. … Except, of course, until shit hits the fan and it is time to start taking care of myself. Now. Pronto. Tat (as my daughter says ‘Stat’ in her 4-year-old-hospital-dramas)!
Major Monster #1: Alcoholholhol.
Working on it. Day 3. Feeling a little lopsided blogging about it in the morning, because I still have so much of the day left, but still feeling positive and strong. Especially after the rainy-run.
Major Monster #2: Bi-Polarismness.
A bigger monster in the long run. I’ve been living with it for a little longer than the alcohol. When I was first diagnosed, I was 19 years old, and struggled with the label of Bi-Polar for a really long time. Now I think of it more as a Trivial Pursuit pie-piece, but am now working on accepting the other big pie in my life – the aforementioned MM#1.
At this point in my life, it is hard to look back, or even at right now, and know how to untangle them one from the other. They definitely inspire one another and perpetuate the other’s needs and wants. I don’t know if I am depressed because of bi-polar, or because of a long run of nights drinking, or because I’m in my 30s with two young babes, laundry on the floor, and corn dogs for dinner (again). Honestly, it’s probably a combination of all of the above, but wouldn’t it be nice to just have a problem or obstacle be examined, taken apart, put in a plastic tub, labeled with a Sharpie, and then put back in the closet? Is that so much to ask? …. Uh, yes. It is.
So now, the untangling begins!
To add to the excitement of sobriety (pass the Cheetos!), I am also starting a mood stabilizer that knocks me out at night. I woke-up today, and it took me almost 2 hours to get my head together. I hope the effects even out after a week or two, because otherwise, I am going to be a sober zombie… Who walks verrrrrry slowly. And is probably too tired to try and even catch you. Gah. I am going to be a hungry, sober zombie. The horror.
Anyway, yep. Isn’t there a saying something like ‘All things in their time?’ Something like that? My saying of the moment is: All Things Right Now, Dammit.
Day 3. I click my heels to you. My heels in sneakers. Soggy sneakers.